17 weeks.

Here we are at 17 weeks/4 months!

Doctor gave me the green light to get highlights...so now I'm blonde again! Yay, I'm liking the change. :)

This week marks the last week of our 4th month. Snap...that's crazy. I feel like it's going by so fast. August still seems like forever away but as fast as each week goes by, I know it will feel like I blink and there's a baby in my arms.

And that realization has got me putting more thought into what I want to do in baby's room. I have too many ideas right now and if I were to actually get started before I had a plan I know I'd end up with a hot mess in there. Luckily, I'll be seeing 2 members of my decorating committee (Momma and Amy) soon so I have a feeling I may have a theme come together after that. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that we won't know the sex of the nugget to incorporate in the decor. I'm not much into the idea of "this is girl stuff" and "this is boy stuff." Like pink, dolls, and ruffles for girls and blue, trains, and sports for boys. But that topic almost needs an entire post to itself. My point is that even if I knew the sex, it probably wouldn't change the decor or "theme" of the room. If I'm being completely honest there's kind of a reason I've only just started thinking about a baby room. And a reason Chad and I have had minimal conversation on naming the nug. 

I have this wonderful awful useful ability to shut off when I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm not sure exactly when I picked this little skill up but if I had to guess it was probably around the first time I got my heartbroken in college. Unfortunately for Chad (or maybe fortunately since it turned out in the end?) that happened BC (Before Chad) making me extremely leery of getting too close to any boys. I was so good at it that I had myself convinced for a very long time that although Chad and I were dating...I wasn't doing anything really stupid like "falling" for him or anything of the sort. I stayed in this state of denial for quite some time. (We make jokes about this now.) Until one day I got real mad when I realized I actually did care about him A LOT and it would be a mistake to not let myself go and actually feel things for him. Sounds like a cold b-word, huh? Eventually I knew I needed to put myself and my emotions on the line because well....I knew it would be worth it one way or the other in the end. At least I would know how it was supposed to turn out rather than look back later on and think "hmm...what if?" I think about those moments leading up to making that decision a lot. Thank all things holy that I didn't give up. On him or myself. And that was the moment I decided I wasn't moving to Australia and instead I was going to pack my bags and move to Keystone, Colorado to be with Chad and to find out the way our story would end. Oh and because he would be mad if I didn't name drop him.....(haha) we can also thank Justin for actually getting the ball rolling on my Colorado move. Without his push in the right direction and making me feel safer for taking that scary step...I'm not sure it would have really happened. And I'll never forget the conversation my dad and I had one really late night in the kitchen when I was figuring all this out. He's seriously the coolest. I hope he knows how much that conversation meant and still means to me. The way him and my mom were able to step back from the situation as my parents and give me sound advice was so awesome. Especially my mom who I'm sure was wanting to scream "You're my baby!!! Don't move away!!!" I only hope I can do the same for my kids some day. And I hope they love and respect me and my opinions as much as I do with their grandparents. Great...now I'm crying. Stupid hormones. :)

The point of all that was to illustrate my ability to somewhat "detach" myself from my emotions when I feel I could get hurt. Miscarriage is a very real thing that can happen to anyone. In fact, studies say it happens in about 20% of known pregnancies. It's likely everyone reading this has either had a miscarriage or knows someone who's had one. Often times you might not know if someone close to you has had one because it's not really something that's fun to talk about. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I honestly believe in my heart this happens for a reason and because "it wasn't meant to be" and that's God's and nature's way of telling you this. Does hearing that help the couple who's been through one? Maybe eventually, but a loss is a loss and you do what you need to do to get through it. Since I saw that beautiful positive test, I have been aware it's possible this pregnancy would end in miscarriage. I have reminded myself often that nature will take its course no matter what I have to do/say about it. I can only "control the controllables." Right, Coach? :) For me, I knew how attached I already was to the little nugget inside me and how much love and energy I was sending down there....I couldn't really let myself go further in that by picking out decorations for a baby room and deciding on a name until I felt the need and want to. In fact, I also felt the need to pull the reigns on my sister in law who was trying to get a date set for a baby shower she is throwing for me. I can't have that many balls in the air without having an overwhelming feeling that something will go wrong. Just like with everything else in my life....I felt I needed to take things at my own pace with all the new changes and decisions. But like I said, that's just me and luckily I have a very patient and supporting husband who understands me. He has also helped me realize the best feelings and things in life come to you when you're willing to open up and let them in. So now, here I am.....decidedly feeling pregnant, very attached to this baby living inside of me, and looking toward the future with optimism rather than with fear and timidness.

Love and kindness to all of you. :)
xo,
Momma Jo

16 weeks.

Here we are at 16 weeks/4 months!!

I don't feel like there's much of a change between this week and last...but maybe that's because last week I felt like it was a crazy change between no bump to "holy crap I'm really growing something in there."

I'm finally all caught up with my pregnancy weeks on the blog! If you haven't already...go ahead and scroll through them. I know you don't want to miss pictures of the little nugget or anything that has to do with me pooping.

Updates for the week.....let's see....well I feel like ever since I stopped the whole morning all day sickness thing I developed a fun new game that involves standing up from a seated position too quickly and getting really dizzy. Sometimes it's worse than others, most of the time it just leaves me a little off balance but other times I get tunnel vision and things go dark for a quick second and I have to stand still while holding on to something. Chad has seen a few of those "fun" moments and says I also go pretty pale and look like I'm going to pass out. Cool trick, huh? I never really feel like I'm going to faint and barf on myself or anything (ahem...Amy...) and it usually goes away in a matter of seconds. But I did mention it to my doctor the last appointment and she suggested I start paying attention to when it happens. Like time of day, have I eaten in the last couple of hours, did I just eat something sugary, have I been sitting for a long period, etc. So I'm trying to pay close attention to that.

Something else that has got my attention....I think I felt the baby move for the first time last week?!? I was sitting very still at my desk at work when a sneeze snuck up on me and almost sent me out of my chair (it was a good one)...after I got it out I was sitting still again at my computer and I felt something very....not me. I just kept looking around the room like..."Was that just what I think it was?" I wasn't sure and I guess I'm still not certain. But more clues are coming in every couple of days because I'll feel the same thing every now and again. I've read that a lot of women describe the feeling as "flutters" or "like pop corn popping" but to me it feels like a fish living in your lower belly and flappin' around in there. You know...kinda like my beloved Slippy Slappy, Swimmin' Swanson, and Samsonite. {Who are all still alive!! Surely if I can keep 3 fish alive in a tank I can handle the whole "mommy" thing right? RIGHT?!?!?} The feeling comes and goes, only jumps around and gets excited every few days. I'm still not sure I'm really feeling our fish.....I keep thinking maybe it's some weird indigestion or something I'm making up in my head. I suppose I'll know for sure in a few more weeks when those fins arms and legs are stronger and I know what I'm feeling. :)

EXCITING NEWS!!! Chad and I got to meet some precious babies this weekend!! Chad's sister Michelle and husband Corey had our nephew on the 11th and our friends Brittany and Neil had their little girl on the 10th! They both live in Orange County so we got to meet both of them when we drove down last weekend for a quick trip. Let me tell you.....they are sooooo sweet.

Cash Arne

8 lbs 12oz

21 inches

Look at that big fist he's making!

Oh man...I can't handle his picture. Those squishy cheeks make me wanna take a bite.

Well hello there, nice to meet you.

Dear Cash: Please stay snuggly and little forever.  Thanks, Auntie Brooke

Cash looks very much like big sister Autumn when she was a newborn. Which means he'll probably have blonde hair and blue eyes like her too. He's already so strong! Only a week old and he can keep his head up for a few seconds at a time. And he's a snuggly little guy that has already stolen my heart. :)
Sidenote: Apparently I didn't take any pictures of Chad with his nephew. Oops. I'm a horrible wife but a pretty cool auntie. :)

Kendall Autry

6 lbs

18 inches

Precious little Kendall and a proud big sissy McKenna in the background.

This is what she does before she "cries"...are you kidding me? I just giggled every time she got mad because it was so cute!

She looks a lot like a baby doll. :) And I wanna eat her up.

Kendall looks a lot like her big sister too. I used to be real jealous of infant McKenna and tell her she was a huge whore for having such lonnnnnngggg, dark and pretty eyelashes. You know, in the nicest, most auntie appropriate kind of way. :) Kendall is just so dainty and precious. Love her already too.

Here are a few more pictures from our fun weekend down south....

These two (Autumn and Zoie) were BFF all weekend. It was so cute. Here they are giggling and trying to warm up after playing in the water at the beach.

Knowing the relationships I had and have with my cousins and seeing our nieces playing together this weekend made me excited for our little nugget to have that too. 

Olivia is a pretty clever girl...she was using her dad's surf board cover to stay warm when it got cold on the beach. :)

Chad playing princess with Autumn in her new dress up clothes we got her. :)

Game night at the Dutton house!!

Have a good weekend everybody!!
xo,
Brooke

15 weeks.

2/14/12

Happy Love Day!!

15 weeks! I think something happened overnight...the past few days have been the first I actually "feel" pregnant.

Today was by far my favorite Valentine's Day ever. Chad and I never really get crazy or do much on Valentine's but this one was just perfect. He made me french toast and bacon for breakfast and I opened his really sweet lovey card that said all the right things and he opened my card.....

Nothing says romance like prison talk. Inside I drew a shank and inscribed "B <3's C" on it.

It's easy to see why I married him when you taste his breakfast cookin.

As if that wasn't enough...he also bought me the new Coldplay cd I've been wanting (yes, people still buy cds...) and is taking me swimsuit shopping before our trip to the Dominican that's coming up! {Sidenote: My cousin Lacey is getting married in the DR and we're meeting the whole family there!!! Sooooo excited.} He also made dinner reservations at a cute little Italian place. He did good...real good. Don't laugh when I tell you what I got for him because he loved it. :) A wireless mouse, white undershirts, and a board game. The first 2 were pretty practical things...but he's a practical guy (and he needed them) so of course it was right up his alley. The game is Settlers of Catan and something he's been wanting since we moved from Colorado. A friend had it out there and it's a fun strategy game that can sometimes take hours to play. It's a 3-4 person game though and he was so excited to play it last night he suggested we kidnap a couple off the street on our way home from dinner and force them to play with us. But we were too full and I had my pants unbuttoned and unzipped to give the nugget some space and I didn't want the unsuspecting couple to get the wrong idea.

So it sounds like a decent VDay right? Well what actually made this the best Love Day ever was going to my doctor appointment together and getting to hear our little Valentine's heart. We both were holding our breath and trying not to panic when it took the doc a little longer than expected to find it....but when she did it was loud and strong. 151 beats per minute. The first time we heard it about a month ago it was really hard to hear over the loud thumps of my heart....but this time the heartbeat was all baby. :)

I was shocked to find out that I lost another 3 pounds since my last appointment...totally -6 pounds during pregnancy so far. Doc wasn't too worried about it though since I'm feeling better and eating more in the past week or two and told me she expects numbers to start going up here on out. Which really shouldn't be a problem considering we'll be at an all-inclusive resort for 4 days with food and fruity drinks (sans alcohol) at my beck and call. Anyway, she says everything is healthy in there so I'm trying not to worry too much about the numbers going down for now. She said my next appointment would entail "the exciting anatomy ultrasound".....  Chad and I are set on leaving it a surprise until baby's birthday...but hearing we could find out in just 3 weeks who's in there?? Well, that's very tempting. WILL POWER!!!!

xo,
Baby Momma

Who's got 2 thumbs and pooped twice today??

1/27/12

This girl!!

What do you mean you don't care how many times I pooped today??

People, this is monumental. I pride myself on having a regular, normal, and healthy digestive system. Since this little alien took over my body? Ha! Not so much. I'm actually really thankful I don't have some of the problems I've read about in my pregnancy book or online...I'm not constipated and apparently lots of women go through that during pregnancy. Yikes. I just really enjoy being regular in my "regular" life (ie: non pregnant life) and apparently that's too much to ask for when you're with child.

Here's my secret for any of you expectant moms out there who would give their left arm for a satisfying trip to the little girls' room: I took this really awesome prenatal yoga class yesterday (more on that to come in a later post) and during the class we did a couple of stretches and twists the instructor said would help with digestion. I may return to class next Thursday and give this lady an open mouth kiss. Or maybe I should just send flowers with a note that says: "Thanks for the nice poopy. I like you. Signed, Your Secret Admirer"

Always so modest,
Brooke

14 weeks.

2/7/12

14 weeks! Okay...maybe there is something in there.

I'm feeling MUCH better this week. I'm hoping this means I'm clear from the 1st trimester all day sickness that has hung around weeks 6-13. Feeling less like barf and more like "normal-ish." Next doc appointment coming up next week. Which is really exciting for the obvious reasons but also because I have my check-up on Valentine's Day. Over and out.

:)

13 weeks.

2/2/12

13 weeks (3 months)
You'll have to forgive me for making this post short and crappy. I've had a bad day and all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and cry for a few hours. (Which as a matter of fact is exactly what I've been doing for the last couple of hours.)

I had an awesome couple of days early in the week though. Chad and I flew to Mammoth Lakes to meet up with a bunch of friends at a pretty cabin in the mountains. The little nugget was kinda mad I didn't take him/her skiing when everyone else was but I did have a really good time relaxing, reading books by the fire, hanging out with everybody, and taking walks. My heart is pretty happy when I'm in the mountains. Some days I really miss living in Colorado at 9,000 feet surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. (Whew, I am definitely not used to the altitude now though...I was huffing and puffing walking around at 7,000 feet there!) I can't believe it's been 2.5 years since we lived there and we haven't even been back to visit since then!! I love the kind of quiet the mountains seem to bring...or maybe it's the cold and the snow...or both. I didn't even bother to turn on any electronics when I had the cabin to myself during the day this week. The peace and quiet was just too perfect.

Anyway, there's just a combo of things that led to my crap mood right now. Mostly my crazy ass hormones playing tricks on me. Throw in a sad situation happening to some people I love. A large dose of being Missouri-sick from my family. An undetermined amount of BS at work. A dash of insecurities about pregnancy. And you have what I (and Chelsea Handler) would call...a hot mess. That being said I'm going to bed now and looking forward to a new try tomorrow.

xo,
me

ps. What does make my heart smile is that Baby J has grown to about the size of a peach and I'm about a week away from officially being in my 2nd trimester. Grow baby grow. :)

12 weeks.

1/24/12

Make some noise for 12 weeks (3 months)!! Thebump.com says the little nugget is about the size of a plum this week. And I love juicy plums so there's a good chance I love the little dude growing in there. Sidenote: Thank you Amy for the nickname "little nugget."  :)

Several exciting things happened since the last post....
*We heard the heartbeat with the help of a fetal heart monitor on Thursday. Music to our ears.
*We had an ultrasound as part of a first trimester screening and Baby J looks healthy and comfortable in there. :)
*After measuring, they moved my "due date" to August 5th. (But we still like the 7th better.)
*Seeing baby actually look like a baby (albeit alien-ish) in the ultrasound was so crazy. It made the whole "I'm really pregnant" thing just that much more real.
*Baby was just hanging out when we first started the ultrasound but by the end got excited about all the poking and prodding the doc was doing on me and was dancing around all over the place!
*Soooo weird to see baby moving on the monitor and knowing he/she is inside of me but not being able to feel it myself! Soon enough I suppose!
*Me to the doctor performing the ultrasound...."Now, be honest. I won't tell any of the other patients in the waiting room.....that's the cutest fetus you've ever seen, isn't it?" She assured me that it definitely was the cutest and in no way was I biased or irrational. At least that's what I heard. :)
*Conversation between Chad and I during the ultrasound....Me: Awww...look at that nose! Oh that's a cute little girl nose if I've ever seen one! (Baby J moves and holds up arm) Chad: HA!! It's a boy, look at that arm! He's got some guns on him!

To the little girl I saw yesterday:
I promise your Daddy meant nothing mean by calling you a boy with boy arms. Hopefully you have a better arm than your Momma ever did. Don't repeat this but that's why I started playing second base...it's pretty close firing range to first. But if you ever ask me, I'll probably tell you something like "the leader on the infield needs to be a middle infielder and you've got to have a strong right side and someone who is quick to cover either side." So just act like you believe me when I tell you that some day. Oh and I give you permission to punch your Dad some day and show him how strong your arm really is. :)

To the little boy Chad saw yesterday:
Sorry about saying you have a cute little girl nose. I'm sure I was just mistaken and your nose is very distinctive and masculine. And about that strong arm we saw...definitely cool if you want to be a pitcher and all....however, please keep in mind that pitchers are total headcases. If you don't believe me, just take a look at your father and your Auntie Amy. Alright fine, Amy is pretty "normal" for a pitcher...but your Dad? Well, let's just say I had a rule against dating pitchers for a reason. Then he came along being all cute and California-like and made me forget he was the one standing on the mound. See the type of sorcery they have?? And just because I said so....you can punch your Daddy with that "gun" of yours some day too. :)

Love you little nugget,
Momma Jo

Full body of the "alien"....or is it "predator?" You decide.

Profile...cute little nose.

Chad seems to think baby is showing off the guns but I imagine he/she is saying "We love you Dark Continent...goodnight!!"

11 weeks.

1/17/12

Week 11....That's more than bloating, right? Well, maybe.

Hello 11 weeks (3 months)! Thebump.com tells me Baby J is about the size of a lime this week! Like the kind of limes I used to squeeze into my lime margarita on the rocks, no salt. Mmmm.....I could go for one of those right now, my mouth is actually watering thinking about it. Chad and I started a tradition last summer of making a pitcher of margaritas (yes for just the 2 of us, don't judge), putting down beach towels in our front yard, turning on some music and playing washers....bocce ball....reading a book....or people watching on our street. There's a park just down the street from us and especially in the summertime there are a lot of people going for walks, riding bikes, or pushing strollers on our street. We get a lot of funny looks and a few "cheers" and "hellos" from passersby. One day we were out there when unbeknownst to us our landlady was showing the house next door. She didn't seem really excited about us sitting in our front yard drinking while she toured the place to a handful of couples. None of those couples ended up renting the place. Weird.

Anywho, no margaritas for me! And I'm okay with that. I have more important things to do like grow a human and stuff. :) I feel like I'm generally feeling a little better the past few days. Don't feel like the "morning" sickness sticks around the whole day as much and I'm eating a little more than I have been.

Doctor appointment this Thursday and I'm thinking we get to hear the heartbeat! Woohoo!
xo,
Baby Momma

10 weeks.

1/10/12

Week 10 - Is there something there or am I bloated? It's a toss up.

What the heck is a kumquat? The all knowing wikipedia tells me a kumquat is a citrus-like fruit that's peel is sweet and center is sour and it's mostly used to make marmalade and jelly.

Why do I care what a kumquat is, you ask? I get weekly updates on what's going on in the good ole uterus (and what's going on with me) from babycenter.com and this week (Week 10/Month 3) it tells me Baby J is the size of a kumquat. This cannot be possible because the adorable little round faced baby I am surely growing in my belly could never be associated with such a gross word. "Kumquat" sounds more like something a jr. high boy would call another jr. high boy in the locker room after basketball practice. I do not like that name, do not like it one bit. Too bad because if you look at a picture of one of those things, they're actually pretty cute looking. Poor thing just has to have a dumb name. Kinda like Beyonce and Jay-Z's new baby, Blue. My first thought hearing that this morning was the baby being born and Beyonce yelling, "You're my baby, Blue!!" Just like Will Ferrell yells "You're my boy, Blue!!" in Old School. Good thing all celebrities name their kids something ridiculous or she might be made fun of at school. To which she could always reply, "Whatever, my parents are Beyonce and Jay-Z." Which would pretty much trump any coolness there could ever be so there's always that in Blue's back pocket.

What was I talking about? Oh right, it's week 10 for me and the babe! I say that line quite often these days, "What was I talking about?" I don't feel like it's pregnancy brain so much as I'm overwhelmed sometimes thinking about the fact that I'm growing a human and going to have a baby who will call me "mommy" and whose life will depend on me and Chad. Sometimes I'll be talking to Chad about {insert unimportant matter here} and for a tiny split second I won't be thinking about the fact that I'm pregnant and going to be a mother. And just like that all of those realizations come flooding in at me while I'm trying to tell him about {insert unimportant matter here}. Then my mind is all...."Holy shit balls this is crazy, am I even old enough to do this?" "Is there going to be some kind of test before they let us go home alone with the baby?" "Oh man I'm sure we won't pass it and then we'll have to give the baby back." "Oh no it would be even worse if they DON'T give a written/oral/multiple choice test because then they'd actually send us home with an infant without even knowing how clueless we are!" Usual procedure after that involves me forgetting my name so trying to figure out what I was saying in conversation is completely out of the question.

What was I saying? Oh right, I'm feeling pretty good on the mark of week 10! Some fun activities this week include: being extra tired, yawning all day long, working to keep my eyes open while at work, and trying to stay awake past 8pm at night. I fell asleep last night on the couch at 8:15pm (to the sound of Chad washing and putting away dishes AFTER he had made us dinner in the first place, goodness I love that man), Chad woke me up to get in bed at 9:30pm, then I had to drag myself out of bed to my alarm at 7am. It's a good thing I had to pee really bad or else I might have stayed there an extra hour.

Recently I've been on the hunt for a good yoga studio that offers Prenatal Yoga, but haven't found what I'm looking for. The yoga studio I like to go to as a "normal" person is hot yoga and now that's off limits. I'm actually having a hard time finding a place that offers classes after working hours or only on weekends. I feel like it shouldn't be this difficult to find given I'm in the state of California (we love hippy yoga stuff here) and there are a LOT of working moms/moms-to-be in the area. Anyway, still on the hunt because I really like doing yoga and want to continue it throughout my pregnancy.

In other news.....anxious for our next appointment on the 19th! Excited to see the little kumquat again and make sure everything is okay in there. (That sentence just made me laugh A LOT.) I think we get to hear the heartbeat at that appointment and we're both VERY excited about that!! The whole pregnancy thing became a whole lot more real last night when I was thinking about being 10 weeks into a 40 week pregnancy (that is if I go until the due date). This means I'm essentially 1/4 of the way there to having our baby in my arms. CRAZY, AWESOME, TERRIFYING, AMAZING, EXCITING don't really describe what that feels like. I'm also a couple weeks away from being in the 2nd trimester. Also very surreal, since I feel like this whole process just started but I also already feel like I've been pregnant forever. :) It's all so fun and makes me giggle a lot. I've been so lucky so far not having a nightmare of a 1st trimester and I hope it all continues to go smoothly! I've been holding back saying this outloud (or typing it) because I've been afraid I'm going to jinx something but.....I really love being pregnant. And from what I hear...it gets even better in the 2nd trimester!! :)

xo,
Baby Momma

9 weeks.

1/3/12

I realize there is no 8 week post. That's because we got back from Missouri and I had the following week off work and took FULL advantage of that by only moving off the couch a handful of times. It. Was. Awesome. Apparently even getting the laptop out to blog about the holiday, my birthday, our trip to Missouri, what it was like telling our families and a handful of friends that we're expecting, New Year's Eve, the 8th week of pregnancy....was all too much work. I actually don't even feel guilty about spending so much time on the couch watching movies, taking naps, being generally useless, and snuggling with Chad. :) And as far as summing up all of those things we did between week 7 and now......also very awesome. More on that in another post. You know, when I'm not feeling like barf sack and contemplating my next nap.

For your Week 9 (Month 3) pleasure...here is an email I just sent to my sisters. :)

Hey sisters!

It's Week 9! To celebrate the beginning of a new week....I decided I'd break my streak this morning and barf before my first day back at work.  I don't feel like I will be making this a regular thing though, I think it was a matter of circumstance. 

You see...since I decided making a human was just not enough work, I thought I'd go ahead and catch a cold as well.  Making my stomach even more queasy from gross drainage, my body more achy, and more general exhaustion.  I woke up this morning a little later than I planned...oops, turned off my alarm and fell back asleep....so it left me rushing a bit to shower and get ready.  As you both know, I don't "rush" well as a normal person.  (Normal person = non pregnant person)  Well I most certainly don't rush well as a pregnant person.  Now it makes me feel barfy to rush around and get my brain going in 50 different directions, without time to drink some water, snack on a saltine, or sit down. 

Anyway....back to my morning barf story. I showered, put on makeup, dressed, and got my breakfast and lunch packed, only thing left to do was brush my teeth and get out the door. (Sidenote: After a particularly horrifying incident while brushing in week 6....I haven't been able to brush my tongue as I now have a strong gag reflex to it.)  While spitting my toothpaste in the sink I started to cough (because of my cold), then started to gag (because...I have no idea, pregnancy is weird), then was hovering over the toilet.  Things got worse when I discovered I hadn't flushed the hair ball I had removed from the drain after my shower. 

Felt a little better after that and was only 3 minutes late to work.  I'd call that a win for the morning.  Now I sit at my desk, counting down the minutes until I can return to my favorite place for the last week (the couch) and take a nap.  Only 376 more minutes to go.

Love you,

Brooke

ps. 16 more days til we get to see Baby J again!  We'll also get to hear the heartbeat for the first time then too!!  (January 19th)  :)

Update: I was under the impression we would be hearing baby's heartbeat during the week 7 appointment but it was an ultrasound to see baby's heartbeat. You can't actually hear the heartbeat until around week 10. The week 7 ultrasound was really great though...we saw the little nugget for the first time and the doctor told us baby looked really strong and felt good about our odds of miscarriage. And as an update to my last post...there was only one baby in there!

What do you mean you can't tell what you're looking at? It's clearly that...you know...thinger there in the middle...

7 :) weeks!

12/19/11

7 is my favorite number. 7 is Chad's favorite number, well some might even call it borderline obsessive problem with the number 7 for him....  He only sets his alarm to wake up in the morning with a time that includes a 7. 5:47am, 6:37am, 7:07am. We got married on June 12th, 2010 at 5:07pm. (Well at least our invitations clearly stated it...the rain held us back a little though.) I wore #7 in college and so did he. Since our whole friendship started because we played softball/baseball at Woods and then grew into something more...it feels like the number seven has always been a part of our relationship together. Here's a picture we took for Table 7 at our wedding reception: :)

Anyway.....here we are on week 7 (2 months) of being pregnant! :) My first appointment with the doctor last week was great!! We met with Dr. S (who Chad really liked too, so that was good!)...she asked us questions, we asked her questions, she explained how procedure goes for her office (where I will deliver, how to get a hold of her in an emergency, etc), she also said she delivers about 90% of her patients which I thought was a pretty good number! If it's not her it's the other doctor in the same office which she'll have me make an appointment with later in the pregnancy to get to know her as well. I explained to her that we would be leaving for Missouri on the 22nd and be gone for 6 days (and that I was VERY anxious and excited to share the news with my family at that time.) She said traveling wasn't a problem and suggested drinking a lot of water and pack snacks for the flight to help ward off sickness. Once she realized I would be at 7 weeks this week, she suggested we come back in today to see if we can find a heartbeat from the baby. I almost jumped out of my skin I was so excited to hear that! Dr. S thinks it will help give everyone peace of mind while traveling (aka being away from her office this early in my pregnancy) if we can hear that beautiful "thump thump" and know that everything is going okay in there. Dr. S also said it might be fun to give the family a cute little picture while she's checking things out too. Oh yes, I already love you Dr. S. :) She made sure to warn us that we may not be able to find a heartbeat this early though....and to not freak out if we don't, it just may mean that we're off on how far along we are.

After they asked for a urine sample before my appointment, I was fully expecting the nurse/doctor to come in the room and say "Congratulations, you're definitely pregnant!" Or maybe I was just hoping, rather than expecting it.... But that didn't happen, so the whole appointment I kept thinking, "so they're just going by the fact that I told them I got a positive result in my bathroom 2 weeks ago?" I was really wanting someone else to confirm the fact that I'm not crazy and there really is something going on in there. As we were leaving and making my next appointment....I asked if they tested and the nurse said "Oh yes honey, you are very pregnant!!" Whew, thanks! Next thought as we walked out...."Wait, what did she mean by very pregnant? Are my hCG levels higher than they normally are in a 7 week pregnancy, meaning there could be something in there 'doubling' those levels??" Insert small panic.

My mom (and within the last year Chad's mom) have been having these weird feelings and dreams that Chad and I are going to have twins some day. I've always laughed about it and thought that would be pretty fun to have 2 at the same time knowing the kind of bond they would always have together (and how cute they would look when I dressed them alike every day of their lives.) My mom has identical twin sisters who I have always adored and who are the best of friends to each other. But this was the first time since being pregnant that I thought about it. Holy crap....it seriously overwhelms me to think about what the heck I would do if we had twins. It blows my mind to think about a doctor telling us we can leave the hospital with one baby.....let alone having two! The past few days these thoughts have been sneaking in my mind more and more since I realized we could possibly find out if there's 2 in there TODAY. Holy. Balls. Well....whatever happens I suppose there is a reason for it and my main focus and concern is that whoever is in there is healthy and happy!!!

Yay for Week 7!! There is a lot of good energy and prayers going into hearing a healthy heartbeat today and getting to see that little booger in there!! Which in reality is about the size of a large booger. :)

Update: I must have forgot to take bump pictures in weeks 7-10. But don't worry nothing seemed to change at all for my belly during those weeks so you can just check out my week 6 picture if you're curious. :)

6 weeks.

12/15/11

I'm 6 weeks (2 months) pregnant!!! Yay!!!!! Might as well start this whole bump picture now right? I think it will be fun to look back and see it grow from the beginning...

No bumpy to report on yet...

For the boys out there reading this (I know you're out there Dad and Justin) or anyone else who didn't previously know how counting pregnancy weeks works (it's cool, I didn't know this either) allow me to enlighten you on the matter. There are 40 weeks of pregnancy if you carry until your due date. However...you don't actually conceive until (approximately) the 3rd week in. Since every woman ovulates and conceives at different dates and times...the easiest way to calculate is by the first day of your last period. In my case that means I'm 6 weeks and 2 days along. It's pretty convenient that you're "pregnant" for a month before you're technically even pregnant. Especially if you have bad morning sickness in the beginning...that's one month down just two to go!

This week also marks my first appointment with my doctor on Thursday. Chad wasn't going to be able to make it but a meeting canceled last minute and he's tagging along now. :) I don't think anything super exciting will be happening in this appointment (I was actually surprised they wanted to see me this early) but they said they'll just be confirming the pregnancy (urine and blood samples), taking some blood samples for testing, checking my weight, blood pressure, etc....and meeting with me about any questions/concerns I have. Then we set our next appointment and we're on our way. I'm more than happy for them to tell me I'm indeed pregnant....I'm pretty sure I could not get sick of hearing that...it makes my heart so happy. :) I think Chad is playing it cool but he is pretty excited about this appointment too. He's already been asking about when we'll have the appointment that we get to see/hear the baby. That will be the coolest thing ever. :)

So how is this momma feelin' on week 6? Pretty good so far. I haven't had too much to complain about in the first 2 weeks of being pregnant. I've just been very tired with sore boobies. I'm worried it will all catch up to me soon and I'll be barfin all over the place. But then again it'll still mean I'm pregnant so I can deal. :)

...........here's a funny story.....I wrote all of the above on Tuesday 12/13. It is now Thursday 12/15. Morning All day sickness hit me late Tuesday afternoon. haha, nature is a funny thing huh?? I still don't have too much to complain about, considering the horror stories I've heard from friends and family about barfing several times a day for the first trimester and never being able to keep anything down. (And my poor momma barfed for 9 MONTHS WITH ALL 3 OF US. Ugh, I don't know how she did it without losing her mind.) As for myself I just randomly feel like I have the worst.hangover.ever. at different parts of the day. But the good thing is it usually hangs around anywhere from 5-45 minutes and then goes away just as quick as it came on. Still no hanging my head in the toilet (I just feeling like I'm going to).....and for that, I'M VERY THANKFUL!

In other news....Chad and I have decided to drive down to So Cal this weekend to share the news with his family in person. We were thinking of telling them on Christmas eve via Facetime....but decided it would be awesome if we just surprised them on their doorstep with the big news. Can't wait to see their faces when they open the door to find us....let alone when we tell them our little big secret! :)

As for my family....I'm absolutely dying not telling them. I literally talk to my Momma every single day on my way to work and my sisters and I text randomly throughout the day. This morning Mom and I talked about a show she was watching "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and how crazy it is. I wanted to be like..."yeah it's nuts that I can totally tell at 6 weeks and those crazies didn't know the whole 9 months?! I think that show is a fake!" But I didn't....I kept my little trap shut. The only thing that's keeping me from spilling it is the fact that I REALLY want to tell them in person. And if we didn't have this Christmas trip planned I would have absolutely spilled it to them like Day 2 after finding out. (You know maybe a couple hours after I told Chad.) :) But in person will be SO much more fun than over the phone or Skype.....we can hug, scream, laugh, cry, jump around, my mom and Amy will make their cute little gasping noise they make when they've been surprised, Amy will scream and say "shut up!!!" and Mom will say "I knew it!!! I knew it!!!", Tracy's eyes will get huge and she'll say "are you serious?!?!?", and my Dad....well I have NO idea what my Dad's reaction will be...that's the one I can't picture in my head. But I absolutely can't wait to see/hear how he reacts to hearing his baby is having a baby. :) Next week I'll let you know if my guesses were close....

Here's to another week being PREGNANT! (teehee, that makes me giggle) :)

"You like that daddy?"

11/30/11

No, the title of this post isn't a line from a dirty movie. It's something Chad has been saying for the past 5 years in this high pitched Spanish accent, mostly to my BFF Melis. And mostly because she's the only one that laughs at it every time he says it. :)

Anywayyyy........Chad is now aware that he'll be a daddy in 9 months. And he likes that. (You get the play on words there?? You like that daddy...Chad liking that he is going to be a daddy... Oh man, sometimes I'm just too much for myself. I digress....)

Sometime in August I was at a wine and art festival in Mountain View with a friend. There were lots of vendor booths and a little onesie caught my eye. I bought it knowing Chad and I were planning to start a family soon enough or if nothing else it would make a cute gift for someone who was expecting. Not sure why but I never told Chad (or anyone else) that I bought it at the time....and it ended up coming in handy last night when deciding how to tell him I was knockered up. I stopped by Target on my way home from work, picked up "What To Expect When You're Expecting" for myself and a candy bar for Chad. He didn't get home until 6ish so I made myself busy by wrapping Christmas presents in the meantime. I made a quick change on his candy bar and I decided to wrap it too.....so it would seem like an early Christmas present. Which it pretty much is. :)

His early Christmas present

What was inside the box. :)

When he finally got home I could barely say hello and act semi interested in how his day was before I was trying to be cool about saying I had an early present for him. He picked up his box on the couch and said, "Well, we aren't planning to do much for each other for Christmas so maybe I should just wait." I insisted that he "shouldn't wait...it was just a little something and not a big deal...you know me, I just like to wrap things." (Later on I found out he was expecting it was something golf related because he is golfing at a really nice course for work on Friday.) So he opens it up and holds up the onesie and looks at the candy....and then just looks at me with the most confused look on his face. Kind of like, "What in the hell am I supposed to do with this?" Apparently the baby attire and the "Baby Johansen" candy bar weren't big enough clues. :) I just say, "Sooooo.......I'm pregnant." Then he gets what's going on, throws the box across the room and gives me the biggest smile and hug I think I've ever seen. We laughed and cried and he kept saying "are you sure?" "what?" "when?" "are you sure?" It was a memory I will keep forever. :)

After talking for a while we decided making dinner ourselves was way too much work so we went out for Italian. While we were driving there Chad says, "I feel so weird driving right now...like I have to be extra cautious and stuff..." I laugh and say "I know I felt like that this morning too. We'll never get home from the hospital with a baby in our backseat....it's going to take us 4 hours to drive 3 miles."

I love my Baby Daddy.

xo
Baby Momma

Today is a good day. A very good day. (Part 2)

....picking up where I left off on yesterday's post....

11/29/11

At 6:53am that beautiful little digital test went from a timer display to "Pregnant" in about 2 minutes.

It was kind of funny that my first reaction after seeing it was not to freak out....I just said, "No I'm not." I even said it out loud. I kept looking at the test waiting for the "Not" to show up before the 2nd word. I've taken a digital test like that before and I know that the 2 words ('Not' and 'Pregnant') show up together....but for some reason I was so shocked by only seeing 1 word that I couldn't even believe it. So I sat and waited for what seemed like forever (but probably 30 seconds max) waiting for "Not" to show up....but it never did.

I don't get it...where is the 'Not'?

Then I just kept looking at the test, looking at myself in the mirror smiling like a goofball, looking at the test, looking at myself in the mirror smiling like a goofball. I went back and forth like this for a while. I silently danced and screamed in the bathroom while Chad sat working on his computer in the next room.

Evidence of my "smiling like a goofball." Please excuse my bedhead...it was 6:53am people.

I took a shower and went about my normal morning routine. I had a few more dance parties while in the shower and had my first "conversation" with my belly. :) Once out of the shower, I tried super hard to play it cool and act normal to Chad. I don't think he picked up on anything...but I absolutely could not look him in the eyes. I just knew he would figure me out if he looked hard enough. Plus...it's impossible for me to lie to him when I see his eyes so I had to avoid them. I most definitely had an extra pep in my step this morning so I tried toning it down in front of him. I know what you're thinking "Whaaaat?! You didn't tell him right away?! You're the devil!!!" I knew I want to tell Chad in a special way and because we were both leaving for work so soon...I didn't want to rush it. And I knew he had a day full of meetings and would have a lot on his mind today...so I'll steal his full attention tonight. Then we can talk about it for as long as we want, rather than have to rush out the door. Plus....he got to take me off guard when he proposed, this gets to be my surprise for him. :) He's going to be SO excited. He might even do his little girl scream that I love so much. I cannot WAIT to see the look on his face.

I was about 15 minutes late to work this morning because I just couldn't really focus on anything I needed to do without dazing off into space thinking about how awesome all of this is. There is an extra brightness in my face and eyes that even I can see in the mirror...and no, I don't think I have the "pregnancy glow" thing going on.... :) the cause of this is absolute and complete happiness. In fact I can't even remember the last time I felt this happy. Oh wait...yes I do...I felt this same way on June 12th, 2010. :)

To the baby that is growing inside of me- (Sidenote: Holy crap sack that's weird.) Please know that I love you already. I have wanted you my entire life. I hope you can feel the love I'm sending to you every second of every day from now on.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Today is a good day. A very good day. (Part 1)

11/29/11

I'm pregnant.

I'm going to have a baby.

Chad and I are going to be parents.

I'm growing a human inside of me.

HOLY. BALLS.

I could just scream!!!!!!!! I have a permanent smile plastered to my face this morning.

The best part? Chad doesn't even know yet. No one but this girl knows the secret (well and this blog I'm saving as a draft). I'm going to tell Chad tonight. I could burst with excitement about it...I hope this day goes by fast or I'll never make it!!

However...it is fun having this huge enormous gigantic monstrous crazy awesome secret all to myself for now. It's making me feel this crazy and beautiful connection with this baby already. :) Omg...I'm going to have a baby.

So how come I know and Chad doesn't yet? Well, I found out this morning. I've had a sneaking suspicion just over the last couple of days that maybe...just maybe I really could be. But they were kind of the same symptoms I get when I'm going to start my period. Only magnified. My boobs are sore...so very sore. But that's usual this time of the month, although never this sore. I've been very sleepy. I didn't notice that until Sunday and I thought it was because of the Thanksgiving holiday and traveling. We had the drive down to southern California, then Black Friday shopping with my sister-in-laws Donna and Rachel and a friend from 12am-6am (but I caught up on sleep the next day), then we drove 7 hours home on Sunday and I slept just about the whole drive, then went to bed at 10pm and got up 9 hours later STILL tired, then finally last night I called it a night at 8:30pm because I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I mentioned to Chad on the drive home on Sunday that I didn't think this month was "our" month because I was feeling a little bit of cramping like I normally do a couple days before. But then I noticed yesterday that I had NO cramping...and usually the days leading up are pretty rough. I contemplated taking a test last night but decided I should wait until the morning.

At 6:53am the exciting thing I was hoping for happened in my bathroom.

Part 2 of the story coming up tomorrow! Ahh...cliffhangers. So fun. :) In the meantime...here is a picture I took that morning before I left for work as my first official pregnant picture.

xo
Brooke

Baby makin' thoughts.

11/14/11

Recently Chad and I have seemed to develop a new attitude regarding baby makin'. We are much more relaxed and have come to realize we are in no way in control of when the timing is right for us to get pregnant. It's strange that I'm having a much harder time with the "being in control" thing than Chad is. If you know us well, you know that when it comes to "rolling with the punches" and just going with things....I'm a little better at that than Chad. He usually feels more of a need to be in control of situations and how those situations effect him and can be more phased by unexpected surprises than me. But when it comes to this baby makin' business....I'm definitely struggling with giving up control over the situation. Obviously there is the one way that we are in control (because duh, we can't exactly make a baby without that part).....but all the rest is out of our hands. I can't control anything else. This fact has been stressing me out. But I think I'm over that now. I realized stressing about when and how will never help the situation and I will drive myself (and Chad) completely crazy in the process. Only positive thoughts and feelings coming from this girl from now on!

xo

Update and possibly TMI: Before you get all "whatta crazy lady to start panicking at all about not getting pregnant after only 3 months of trying." First of all, touche. Second of all, I hadn't been on birth control in over a year before this (it makes me a real crazy person) so it wasn't like I just went off of something and should expect my body to catch up. C) We all have our insecurities, don't judge me.....even though I'm choosing to share them all with you here in this blog. :) And lastly, now that I actually am pregnant...it's funny to me to think about how worried I was about all of it. I thought worrying about becoming pregnant would be stressful....there's even more of a feeling of helplessness and being out of control of the situation once you know you are. And I hear it doesn't get much easier in the Worrying-And-Hoping-Everything's-Okay Department as a parent for the next 50 years either! :)

I peed on the stick.

10/31/11 - Happy Halloween!

Well I peed on the stick last week. Because I'm Positive Polly....I was just sure that the stick was wrong when it said "Not Pregnant." Or maybe I took it too early, yeah that's it. Well Positive Polly left on Sunday because her unwelcome Auntie decided to drop in. Boo. And mer.

I spent a couple of hormonal hours moping around and feeling sorry for myself before I changed my attitude. I mean really...this was the 2nd month of not not-trying. There are worse things happening in this world...stop being ridiculous. And I didn't EXACTLY expect it to happen right away. (Read: Yes, I totally did.) I'm just impatient when it comes to something I've made my mind up about. Then there's that stupid woman fear I have inside of me that maybe it will be difficult for Chad and I to conceive. Maybe this will be a long and hard road for us. Maybe the universe has a different plan for us. Blah blah negative things blah blah..... My momma (who I let in on the little secret) reminded me we're young and there's nothing to worry about. Chad always seems to be Positive Peter about everything so of course it didn't really phase him or at least he didn't act like it in front of me. haha. He also reminded me of our little motto "timing is everything" and I felt a lot better. We firmly believe had we started dating at a different time in our lives...we wouldn't have had the ending that we have now. Any sooner and we both would have given up before it even started and any later and I would have literally ran out of the country and across the world (to Australia to be specific) from a relationship. So I know something will happen for us when the time is right.

:)

I'm gonna pee on something.

10/26/11

This week I am going to pee on a stick and the magic stick will tell me if I'm going to be a mother in 9 months. Holy. Balls.

So as I mentioned in the first letter to myself, Chad and I are officially not-not trying to be pregnant. This fun game started last month. I was able to contain my excitement at that time and didn't pee on anything. (Sticks or otherwise.) Obviously I wasn't with child so here we are again. I'm having a very hard time being patient this time. :) According to my "calculations" I should technically be able to test and find out starting today (4 days before) but the longer we wait...the more accurate test I could get...so that's what I'm trying to be patient enough to do. Truth be told I peed on a stick last Sunday morning.....I couldn't freakin' wait another second about not knowing. It came back negative. Although it was actually too early to get an accurate reading anyway...(7 days before)....but hey, when a girl wants to pee on a stick she wants to pee on a stick! :)

Did I mention my parents are here visiting this week? They leave next Tuesday. Yeah, there is no way I would be able to keep that from them if we find out any exciting news before they leave. Besides I'm pretty sure my mom would be able to look in my eyes and just "know" the second that I know anyway. She's always been like that with everything....good and bad. She just knows things.

But here's the thing....I'm pretty sure there's nothing going on in there right now. Yeah yeah, I probably shouldn't know or feel any different at this point if there is anything going on (I haven't even "missed" anything) but still! I think I would know if a human is starting to form inside of me, right?! :) So weird. Here's to hoping something super exciting happens in my bathroom on Saturday morning. (If I can wait that long.) :)

xo

A Letter to Myself

10/12/2011

Dear Future Self,

How are you? I hope you're good. I want you to know something about how your past self is feeling on this day, October 12, 2011. I'll even try not to really edit this so you can read my thoughts as they come to me in our head. Life is so good to you. I hope you haven't lost sight of that even if you're having a rough day today. (Maybe that's why you're reading this?)

Chad and I are a family. That thought still makes me giggle. It's so fun to be married. Especially when you get to be married to your best friend. We just do stuff together. Normal shit. It's so awesome. Is that weird, future self? Or do you still giggle when you think about being Chad's wife? I hope you still get butterflies when you hold his hand or melt like I do when he looks at you a certain way from across the room.

We want to add to our little family, future Brooke. Not just with a another fish or a dog....like a real person. We're so excited about doing this that sometimes it consumes our thoughts and conversations with each other. Eating dinner, on a hike, a drive, doing dishes, watching tv....it somehow comes up with what we're talking about. This may be because of the fact that we're actually trying to get me knocked up now. As of a month ago. To explain in words the excitement we both have about doing this.....is impossible. (Shhh....it's kind of a secret that we're trying to conceive. We're excited enough about this...we don't really need the added comments and pressure if everyone in our lives knows about that too!) We've always known we wanted kids but just until recently the "yeah, we definitely want to have kids but we're enjoying just being the 2 of us right now" turned into...."ummm, we're totally ready for that step in our future...let's do this."

Last week we were at Target together and saw this adorable little boy running in the aisle (and a dad running after him) and we just looked at each other and smiled. That I-know-what-you're-thinking smile...."I can't wait for that to be us too." This happens a lot. I love the way Chad's eyes light up when we're talking about kids and starting a family. It warms my heart to think about seeing him as a father. Not only did we pick the best husband for us, future self, I'm also certain we picked the best father for our children. One thing I don't know...can he possibly say no to them if they have my blue eyes?? And can I get mad at them if they have his dimple on their cheeks?? Could we seriously ground a kid for doing something stupid that we did when we were their age?? I suppose you know that answer....wiser future Brooke. But if you aren't feeling so wise today....take a recommendation from your 26 year old self. Go take a look at your kids. Yeah yeah I know they sometimes make you crazy and you kinda want to put them in a sleeper hold...they probably do and say things that make you question whether you're doing this whole parenting thing right...but just hear me out for a sec. On this day, I'm not sure if those kids were made in 2011 or 2020 or if we were lucky enough to carry them in our body or adopt them, but one thing I do know.....is that they are yours. So please go snuggle with them right now, hold them just a little tighter before bedtime tonight, leave a sweet note in their backpack (like Momma used to do for you), call them if they're in college just to tell them you love them, or send them a text (do people still text or is that so 2010?) about something silly your grandchild said while you were babysitting them today. You should also give that sweet husband of yours a snuggle too. Just cuz...well just cuz he's him and I know we're crazy about him. You should tell him that too, he likes to hear it. :) So do this and think about me, your 26 year old self....sitting here smiling like a goofball thinking about our future.

Maybe you're pregnant right now and barfing all over the place (your sense of smell is already ridiculous so I can't imagine what that's like when it's heightened)....just remember how excited me and Chad would be to know that we were going to have a baby in less than 9 months.
Maybe you're in the week of your due date and miserably waddling around feeling like a beached whale (and I'm guessing feeling a little anxious about going into labor)....just remember how your non pregnant self is sitting here right now daydreaming about what it would be like to feel our baby kick from the inside. You're so close to being able to see our baby's face, you can do it! And try not to feel too anxious...Chad will be there with you and he always seems to know how to make us feel better. Not to mention all of the awesome people I know you'll have in that waiting room......If you weren't about to push a human out of your vagina, I would feel more sorry for the hospital staff. :)
Maybe you're getting impatient on a wait list for an adoption.....remember that your kid is out there in this world somewhere and the universe is just waiting for the timing to be right. (We both know how important timing is.) And it when the timing is right...it will be perfect.

Well, I hope I was able to make you smile today (and quit crying you big baby!) You sure are smiling today, October 12, 2011. Life is good.

xo,
26 year old self