A Letter to Myself

10/12/2011

Dear Future Self,

How are you? I hope you're good. I want you to know something about how your past self is feeling on this day, October 12, 2011. I'll even try not to really edit this so you can read my thoughts as they come to me in our head. Life is so good to you. I hope you haven't lost sight of that even if you're having a rough day today. (Maybe that's why you're reading this?)

Chad and I are a family. That thought still makes me giggle. It's so fun to be married. Especially when you get to be married to your best friend. We just do stuff together. Normal shit. It's so awesome. Is that weird, future self? Or do you still giggle when you think about being Chad's wife? I hope you still get butterflies when you hold his hand or melt like I do when he looks at you a certain way from across the room.

We want to add to our little family, future Brooke. Not just with a another fish or a dog....like a real person. We're so excited about doing this that sometimes it consumes our thoughts and conversations with each other. Eating dinner, on a hike, a drive, doing dishes, watching tv....it somehow comes up with what we're talking about. This may be because of the fact that we're actually trying to get me knocked up now. As of a month ago. To explain in words the excitement we both have about doing this.....is impossible. (Shhh....it's kind of a secret that we're trying to conceive. We're excited enough about this...we don't really need the added comments and pressure if everyone in our lives knows about that too!) We've always known we wanted kids but just until recently the "yeah, we definitely want to have kids but we're enjoying just being the 2 of us right now" turned into...."ummm, we're totally ready for that step in our future...let's do this."

Last week we were at Target together and saw this adorable little boy running in the aisle (and a dad running after him) and we just looked at each other and smiled. That I-know-what-you're-thinking smile...."I can't wait for that to be us too." This happens a lot. I love the way Chad's eyes light up when we're talking about kids and starting a family. It warms my heart to think about seeing him as a father. Not only did we pick the best husband for us, future self, I'm also certain we picked the best father for our children. One thing I don't know...can he possibly say no to them if they have my blue eyes?? And can I get mad at them if they have his dimple on their cheeks?? Could we seriously ground a kid for doing something stupid that we did when we were their age?? I suppose you know that answer....wiser future Brooke. But if you aren't feeling so wise today....take a recommendation from your 26 year old self. Go take a look at your kids. Yeah yeah I know they sometimes make you crazy and you kinda want to put them in a sleeper hold...they probably do and say things that make you question whether you're doing this whole parenting thing right...but just hear me out for a sec. On this day, I'm not sure if those kids were made in 2011 or 2020 or if we were lucky enough to carry them in our body or adopt them, but one thing I do know.....is that they are yours. So please go snuggle with them right now, hold them just a little tighter before bedtime tonight, leave a sweet note in their backpack (like Momma used to do for you), call them if they're in college just to tell them you love them, or send them a text (do people still text or is that so 2010?) about something silly your grandchild said while you were babysitting them today. You should also give that sweet husband of yours a snuggle too. Just cuz...well just cuz he's him and I know we're crazy about him. You should tell him that too, he likes to hear it. :) So do this and think about me, your 26 year old self....sitting here smiling like a goofball thinking about our future.

Maybe you're pregnant right now and barfing all over the place (your sense of smell is already ridiculous so I can't imagine what that's like when it's heightened)....just remember how excited me and Chad would be to know that we were going to have a baby in less than 9 months.
Maybe you're in the week of your due date and miserably waddling around feeling like a beached whale (and I'm guessing feeling a little anxious about going into labor)....just remember how your non pregnant self is sitting here right now daydreaming about what it would be like to feel our baby kick from the inside. You're so close to being able to see our baby's face, you can do it! And try not to feel too anxious...Chad will be there with you and he always seems to know how to make us feel better. Not to mention all of the awesome people I know you'll have in that waiting room......If you weren't about to push a human out of your vagina, I would feel more sorry for the hospital staff. :)
Maybe you're getting impatient on a wait list for an adoption.....remember that your kid is out there in this world somewhere and the universe is just waiting for the timing to be right. (We both know how important timing is.) And it when the timing is right...it will be perfect.

Well, I hope I was able to make you smile today (and quit crying you big baby!) You sure are smiling today, October 12, 2011. Life is good.

xo,
26 year old self