24 weeks - Choices

24 weeks

What. A. Week.
Man am I glad it's Friday. The weather has been beautiful here all week and I've been stuck inside! I need some serious fresh air and sunshine!! On top of working my normal 40 hour week at my job, I came home every night to head straight to my computer to work on editing a video I'm making for a theatre company. Which is both good and bad really.....Good because I really love making videos and editing them makes me happy, in fact I wish it was my full time job. (Maybe some day?) But bad because the sound gave me a lot of trouble, I was up til midnight every night trying to get it finished, and after I did (complete with a DVD menu, preview, and 2 hour full length performance) I realized it's 5.2GB and standard DVDs hold 4.7GB. Yeah, not my happy face! I went out and bought a new pack of special DVDs that hold more space....only to find that the writer on my laptop isn't compatible with it. After reading a post like Hot Mess Lane, you'd think I'd freak out about it right? Surprisingly enough, I didn't and haven't. I was actually kind of amused about the situation in the end and completely kept my cool. (What do you mean you're shocked??) :) But really, what can you do? Some things are out of your control and you work really hard, do your best, and it's still not right. I swear sometimes I think this kid knows when I'm feeling down or am stressed about something....because I always seem to get a kick/punch/right hook/jab/roll just when I need it. Like a little reminder saying, "Hey, cut it out! Remember me? I'm healthy and growing really strong in here, how lucky are you?? So just relax and smile right now. And give me some popcorn."  And the little nugget is right. (Don't tell her I said that in the future, because I'll have to be right about everything else in his life later on. See how I did that double switch there? I do this all the time. It confuses people.) Honestly I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am that being on a deadline to make this video was the biggest stress in my world this week. There are people with no job, health issues out of their control, addictions, divorces, no family support, not sure how they're going to feed their kids tomorrow, infertility.....the list could go on and on. But we all have one thing in common. Every month, week, day, minute, and second we all get a choice. We get to choose our mood, reactions, and responses to everything. Isn't that cool? It doesn't matter what you're going through and how out of your control your situation is....YOU get to decide that. And your choices are not always going to be good or even the right ones, we're all human after all. But YOU, get to to make that choice. No one gets to take that away from you or decide for you. And to me the more you are aware of that choice we all have, the better choices you're going to make for yourself and everyone around you. Besides my sweet little baby helping me with that perspective, I think the beautiful Miss Avery helps too.

Anywhooo just a few thoughts on this lovely Friday afternoon, sorry it got real there for a minute..... :)

I'm still working on a solution for the video and hopefully I've figured something out, we'll see. Tonight I'll be back at the theatre to record another play, this time a children's production. I went to the rehearsal last night, I have to say it's pretty cute. I'm excited to have another project to work on and excited to meet more people who might be interested in the video services I have to offer!

Have a good weekend!! Bring on the outdoors! Oh, and I guess a little bit of the indoors too since we're registering at Target this weekend..... :)
xoxo

23 Weeks - Yesterday's Menu

23 weeks:

What did I eat yesterday you ask? Well.......

• bowl of oatmeal 
• a cutie and some grapes
• a granola bar (um the chocolate chip kind, not the healthy kind)
• In-N-Out cheeseburger no onions and well done fries (omg it was gooooood, haven't had In-N-Out since I've been pregnant!)
• s'more Pop Tart
• a handful of Sweetarts
• another cutie
• leftover pizza

Oopsie, bad mommy.  :) 

22 weeks - Hot Mess Lane

Make some noise for 22 weeks! :) 1st week of our 6th month!

Shit's about to get real here folks. As I've mentioned about a billion times already on this blog.....I love being pregnant. It's been a really awesome and fun transition for me so far. I just LOVE that I'm carrying our baby and I get to feel the little thing kick and squirm and move all day. Most days and moments are just rainbows and unicorns in my life right now.

Last Thursday was not one of those nights.

I'm only blogging about this because I can laugh about it now and well, I'm trying to give all you people a "real" sense of my pregnancy and what not so here goes. I've had a few let's call them "emotional outbursts" throughout the last 4 months but I'd like to elaborate on the two most memorable.

Let's first back up to sometime in early February. I was having a particularly annoying day at work, wasn't feeling well after lunch, and trying to hustle home after work to meet Chad and head down to Santa Cruz for book club and dinner. I'm not sure what exactly set this into motion (maybe it was a song on the radio in my car? a thought that popped into my head? general stress and hormones? who knows.) but by the time I pulled into the driveway I was just a plain hot mess. Uncontrollably sobbing. Ugly crying. Whimpering. Poor Chad didn't know what hit him when he greeted me at the door. I didn't even know what hit me. All I managed to say was "It was a really bad drive home." The next 20 minutes or so consisted of me crying out my mascara all over his white shirt while he held me in the kitchen and I mumbled a bunch of things that didn't make much sense. I can tell you that I was upset because: I felt guilty because I was having a healthy pregnancy and felt like I wasn't thankful enough for it; at the same time felt overwhelming gratitude for the life I have and the little tiny baby growing in me; was crazy homesick from my family and was sad I'm not physically around them to share the experience; wanted my mommy and was feeling very appreciative of how my parents raised me; in a fun added twist I was freaking out about how I don't know what I'm doing and am going to be a shitty mom and won't do the right things that my parents did for me; and then "omg, what if I accidentally drop the baby?! I probably will. Oh my goodness Chad, one of us is seriously going to drop the baby. Then when the kid is older someone will say 'were you dropped as a baby or something?' and we'll KNOW, Chad!!! Yes, we did drop the baby!! Oh no, will we tell them we dropped them or just keep it from them their whole life?! This is really bad Chad, it's really bad." Chad tried to keep his laughter under his breath but the dropping the baby thing really set him over the edge. He was laughing as hard as I was crying. I knew how crazy I was being. It didn't matter though. Hormones make you do/think/feel some weird things. I was even laughing sometimes between sobs and apologizing for being such a wreck for no real reason other than I just needed to get it out. Needless to say, we did not make it to Santa Cruz and I spent the majority of the night silently crying on the couch in the fetal position.

Fast forward to last week. Everything was going so well...I'm not sure what happened. I didn't sleep well the night before, I was up from 2-3am because a certain someone that resides in me decided it was playtime and proceeded to dance, swim, kick, punch, and roll while I tried to sleep. But I mean seriously...could I be mad at that? I was feeling my baby move inside of me, and I'm fairly certain that will not get old. I woke up with a sore back and decided I should stay in bed a little longer and go into work late. Because I'm trying to save up as much sick and vacation time as possible for my maternity leave, I've rarely taken any time throughout my pregnancy so far so this was a nice treat. :) I took a long shower, ate a little breakfast and got to work around 11am. Thursdays are my favorite day of the work week because I go to my prenatal yoga class straight from work. I seriously love love that class. I wish I could go to it every day. Okay, maybe every day would be too much but like 3 times a week would probably be good. So I go there, have a great class and leave feeling refreshed and ready. (For childbirth, for being a good mother and wife, for a fire-breathing dragon I may encounter on my drive home....it doesn't matter, Marti gets you in a zone to believe you can do anything. Goodness she's great.) I get home, have a great Skype date with Tracy while I cook in the kitchen and Chad hangs out with us. I think that's the part I went wrong. It was 8pm, I was starting dinner and it was going to take me about an hour start to finish. And I ate a plum as a snack around 5:30pm. But of course I was set on making some delicious tomato basil soup and garlic bread. (And seriously, it really did turn out awesome. I think I got the recipe on Pinterest but I can't find it right now. I'll post it later if I find it again.) Everything was going so well....until it came to using my immersion blender. I couldn't figure out I wasn't patient enough to get the piece on the end of it and barked the order at Chad to get it on for me. Then came using it, when I realized the pot I was making the soup in was not deep enough to contain all the splashing the immersion blender was about to do. Insert complete freak out. "Why did I choose this (expletive) pot?? That was so (expletive) stupid!! It's going to splash everywhere!! I knew from the beginning I shouldn't have used this pot...but guess what CHAD?? I STILL used it!!" So what's the next logical step? Realize it's not a big deal and either transfer the soup into a bigger pot or deal with the splashes and clean up the stove top after I finished, right? Wrong. The next logical step was to slam the blender down, slide the chair that was in my path across half the kitchen and into the table, storm off to our bedroom like a teenager and yell at Chad "I CAN NOT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW!!" Once in the room it was probably a chance to reflect on my freak out and calmly go back to the kitchen, right? Wrong again. The stupid light was flickering in our bedroom (we think there is a short in the socket) so upon plopping myself on the bed and realizing it, the best thing was to chuck a pillow at the light switch in hopes of hurting the wall's feelings. I'm sure it worked. But it definitely didn't quit flickering. I needed a few minutes of alone time and I came out of my whiny toddler temper tantrum crazed hormone situation, stuck my tail between my legs and came back into the kitchen to Chad finishing the soup and cleaning up my the blender's mess. I managed to do the garlic bread myself and we ate mostly in silence. I don't think I even realized how good the soup really turned out until the next day when I ate leftovers for lunch. He could have laughed at me but I think he was probably too scared. It's best for everyone that he didn't. Since then, I've apologized and thanked him a bunch for keeping me sane and helping me to resemble a normal human being with normal functions. He claims that's why we married each other. :)

Thank you for taking this journey with me down Hot Mess Lane (a side street near Friendship Lane.) Here's to not making a wrong turn on that street for another month or two, because that's about all I (and anyone else) can handle.

xo,
Baby Momma

Meet Avery.

I have a very heavy heart.

There's a sweet family we know (my cousin Lacey and Ryan's best friends) that are going through an extremely difficult time. My stomach literally churns thinking about the emotions they are going through. I don't have many words I feel are good enough to offer the kind of support I wish I could give them. But if I can hold it together for the next couple of minutes, I'd love to try.

Avery Lynn Canahuati :)

You see, Avery has just been diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) at 5 months old. I won't even try to explain what that means because her parent's do an incredible job explaining it on their blog and I'd rather you read the facts from them.

Here are a few thoughts going on in my head.....
I would tell Miss Avery how lucky she is to have such a beautiful and loving Mommy and Daddy....but I think she already knows. I would tell her Mommy and Daddy to embrace everything that is Avery.....but clearly they are already way ahead of me. And I'd let them know the potential they have to touch people all over the world, bringing awareness to SMA (a disease I've never heard of before Avery)......but again, they're way ahead of me. I'd also tell Avery what an inspiration her story is to everyone she's touched so far and will touch in the future.....but I'm certain God told her how important she was going to be on this Earth.

Follow Avery's blog here: http://www.averycan.blogspot.com/

Please read Avery's story and pass it on. Through all the sadness I feel for this situation.....Avery definitely managed to put a huge smile on my face and I know she will do the same for you. Keep this precious baby girl in your hearts and prayers to give her and everyone around her strength and courage!

To Laura and Mike......I just want to say thank you. Thank you for seeing the bigger picture. Although it shouldn't surprise me because of the people that you are, what you're doing is really beautiful and inspirational. Especially for Chad and I to see it in the eyes of soon-to-be parents ourselves. It has reminded the two of us to embrace every single second of every single milestone. And I mean that in both our future child's life and our own. I hope you know the Gastineau clan considers you like family and we love you all so much!  xoxoxoxoxo

To Avery.......Wow little lady, you have a GREAT bucket list! I think you should add....
- Visit San Francisco and walk across the Golden Gate Bridge!
We live near there and would love to host you and mom and dad! It would be so fun. Talk it over with them and let me know what you think. It's an open invitation so you're welcome anytime! Disneyland is a 6 hour drive (or 1 hour flight) south of us.....that could be a fun addition to your list too! Hugs and kisses, sweet girl! xoxoxoxoxo

Love,
Brooke and Chad

21 weeks. Dead animals and blood.

21 weeks!

Continuing with the Frequently Asked Pregnancy Questions.......

Q: Have you had any aversions? or... Is there any food that makes you wanna barf all over the place?
A: Yes sir. Like I mentioned in my last post, I've had more intense aversions than I've had real cravings. I am my father's daughter and am in no way, shape, or form a picky eater. I love food and am open to trying just about anything. Which is why this whole "aversion" thing has been a new and probably the weirdest thing to me about pregnancy so far.

Two aversions that showed up sometime around week 6 or 7 and have not went away since then.....red meat and eggs. Red meat is a huge issue for me. I am without question a meat eater. I grew up on a farm with lots of cows and we were never lacking in the meat department in our freezer. And not just any meat, really REALLY good steaks. I could never be a vegetarian because I don't think I could give up my love of steaks. I like my steaks cooked medium rare and not one second longer. I judge people by the way they like their's cooked. I've been on dates where the guy orders a steak and I hold my breath when the waiter asks "how would you like that cooked?" Knowing that I will not be able to control my body language when they answer. I didn't even want to hear their answer because I knew what it would do for me, good or bad. It's a sickness really. I was with a guy for a long time that ordered his meat 'medium well'....I would literally cringe and develop an uncontrollable eye twitch every time he ordered. Not to mention I would send my apologies to the kitchen via the waiter for my boyfriend not having a clue what good steak tastes like. Looking back now I should have known things weren't going to work out for us in the long run.... Anywho, back to the point. Obviously I love steak. And luckily I married a man who also loves it and if I had to guess, we probably grill it at least once a week. Until Predator came along and took over my body. The thought of a medium rare steak sends shivers up my spine. Poor Chad is suffering as well since I don't want to eat it, he doesn't want to eat it in front of me. I thought that might be a first trimester thing, and although it has got much better, the fear of red meat still sticks with me. I have had a little steak a couple of times now and as long as it is cooked completely and all the way through, I can stand a little of it. I had a few issues with ground beef and chicken in the first three months, but that has been increasingly better in the last month. [One particularly traumatic meal of grilled chicken and pasta that Chad made during the first trimester made me spit it out in a napkin and dry heave in the bathroom while telling Chad to get the chicken THE EF OFF MY PLATE before I come back in there.] I can also walk past (and even order!) from the meat counter at the grocery store without smelling dead cows, chickens, and blood. Thankfully, Chad has been aware of this "issue" and always volunteers to help with dinner especially when it's a requirement to touch raw meat.

The egg thing isn't a huge deal to me since it really depends on what they look like. For example, as a "normal" person I prefer my eggs over medium or scrambled. Runny, yellow egg yolk....gross. Scrambled eggs have a similar effect on me. However, I can eat a cooked egg for say a breakfast sandwich....with bacon on it. It's something about the fact that it's whole and not in pieces that makes it okay. Well that and generally in life bacon makes everything better. As long as I'm not the one making the egg and having to look at it before it's cooked. I also eat (and can make) frittata which has a lot of cooked eggs in it. We made pasta carbonara one night for dinner and I couldn't even stand the smell of that. I felt like I was eating a raw egg and could smell a dead baby bird in the air. Needless to say, I did not have more than one bite.

And you're welcome for all of those visuals.

xo,
Brooke