29 weeks - Our trip to Missouri

29 weeks!
(May 20th)

Did you notice the venue change in the bump picture? That's because we were visiting Missouri this week!

We had such a great time visiting family in Missouri. It was so nice to have the whole week there. Usually it gets crazy running from one place to the next...going to see someone here then running straight to the next place to see someone else...then hanging out at my parent's house long enough to pack up our things and head back to the airport. Okay, so it's not really like that on our short trips but it can sometimes feel that way! The longer trips make it much more relaxing and we don't feel rushed to say hi and bye to everyone so quickly. The weather they were having while we were there was awesome! We pretty much spent most of our time outside doing something. I got to go on lots of walks on the trail behind the house with momma and my sisters, I think I went with someone (if not like 5 people) every day. Oh and I can't forget our constant trail companions Summer and Cali, my parents' dogs...you couldn't go on the trail without them if you tried. It's probably one of my favorite things to do there. So nice to get out outside, breathe in some beautiful Missouri fresh air, and chat with my family. It makes me really really happy. :) Apparently I tire out a little easier when I'm carrying around an extra person....I laid down and/or took a short nap after all of our walks every day. It. Was. Glorious. :) Is it just me or is there something really special about napping on your parents' couch in the middle of the day? 


Momma also cooked lots of good food and we got to hit up some of the places I've been craving for a while. Remember my obsession with toasted raviolis and the trouble I was having finding them out here? Well I went straight to the source (the best source that is)....Tonanzio's. Oh mannnnn do they have yummy toasted raviolis! My parents just joined a country club so my dad and Chad golfed their balls off all week. (Their golf balls that is.) I think they went 3-4 different days and played at least 2 rounds every time. 


My awesome sister Amy did a fun maternity shoot with us one night. Coolest sisters in the world Tracy and Amy and my bf Melis threw me a baby shower. Seriously....this shower rocked. There were so many special little things about it!  (Maternity and shower pictures to come.) We fished. We went to a new winery that opened nearby. We drank sweet tea. Chad was spoiled by my mom making breakfast every day. (He's the breakfast maker in our house.) We sat in rocking chairs on the porch. Had a game night with friends. We went to Trops (virgin slushy for me!) and hung out on the patio. (Chad is borderline obsessed with the place.) Chad and I got our butts handed to us by Tracy and Amy and Mom and Dad while playing Pitch. (Card game.) Picked out some pretty flowers for my mom's porch at a greenhouse. Attempted to play with stray barn kitties at my grandparent's barn but couldn't get anywhere near them.....them cats was crazy!! Played fetch in the lake with Summer, Cali, and Girlfriend. Almost peed my pants laughing at the dogs getting everyone wet on the bridge every time they came out of the water. And probably my most favorite thing besides the super awesome baby shower.......I think just about everyone in my whole family got to "meet" the baby! I had a hand on my belly more often than not the entire trip out there. Which didn't bother me any, it was so fun for everyone to get a little "hello" from the baby. She was movin' and shakin' around all over the place and really showing off for her family. :) Of course everyone loved her immediately after the first kick/punch/nudge/roll so I can only imagine what she'll do to them when she's actually out here in this world to dazzle them. (In case you're wondering....yes, the baby is a girl today.)


Oh and I have to tell you about the quote my PaPa said the first time he saw me while we were there. He saw me and the belly in my shirt in all it's glory and laughed, looked at Chad and said "Boy, you sure did mess with her figure." It helps if you imagine this quote from a sweet man in cowboy boots, jeans, and a slow draw like every good ole midwestern boy should have. It was so much awesome I could barely stand it. He is the cutest man alive. Fact. 


I was horrible about taking pictures during our trip out there but I've included the ones I took below. I think I rely on Amy, our family photographer, for any and all pictures when I'm around her. As if it wasn't already assigned to you Amy......you're welcome for giving you that title. :)


It was especially difficult and bittersweet leaving Missouri this trip. I was there during the last few weeks my doctor was comfortable with letting me fly and be so far away from home. It was the last time I would see most of my family before my entire world is changed. The last time they would see just Chad and Brooke and not Chad, Brooke, and ______. We will be a family of 3 next time we go back there. We will be parents to a real human. In just a short time I'll be bringing our 4 month old baby to the house and place I myself grew up. So very overwhelming and surreal to think about. Mix that up with all the hormones pumping through my body and the excitement I have to introduce my son/daughter to all of them some day.....and I cried. A lot. Cried when I said goodbye to each one of them. Crying again right now thinking about it. 


Whew...I gotta hold it together. I get to see my mom and Tracy today!! They're flying in to spend the week here and be here for the baby shower that my sister in law Donna is throwing for me and baby. :) I'm so excited! Our family from Chad's side (the ladies and our sweet niece and nephew) are coming up from Southern California so it will be so fun for everyone to be in one place at one time! Can't wait!!!


A few pictures from our trip...........

Probably took this from the porch with a glass of sweet tea in my hand.

This is Lucky, my mom's horse. She has quite a story. Lucky's mom died while giving birth to her. :( Colts and foals don't typically do well and rarely survive if they lose their mom. It was PaPa's friend's horse and when my mom found out he wasn't going to help the little foal and kind of let nature take it's course so to speak....she couldn't stand it. He gave her the horse, mom named her Lucky, and she bottle fed her back to health. It's a lot of work and you have to feed and give them medicine multiple times a day but mom was determined her Lucky Girl was gonna make it. And she did! Because of all the human interaction she got with my parents early on....Lucky is especially tame and gentle with people. She's so sweet.

Lucky's friends saying hello to us.

I forget this one's name but Chad liked her. I think it was because she's blonde.

We were attempting to feed the fish but it turned into playing fetch in the lake with the dogs. As you can see...there's not much room to move out of the way once the dogs come up to shake off. We all got wet in the process.

Summer and Cali packing in the ball together. Girlfriend (my aunt Betty's dog) looking on, waiting for one of them to lose a grip on it so she could be the one to bring it to us.

Not a bad place to watch a Missouri sunset, huh?

They were really showing off for everyone when we started cheering for them. It was hilarious.

:)

This is actually where Chad and I were supposed to get married.....then it started dumping buckets of rain on June 12th, 2010 and ruined that idea....

So we got hitched in the barn. Which was perfect anyway.

<3

Mom has 2 magnolia trees in the yard that put off the most amazing scent.....sooo pretty!

On a walk

Mom and her dogs on the trail

:)

xo,

Brooke

28 weeks - "It's not a tuma!" Well actually it is.

(May 13th)

28 Weeks! Look at us go!

In this post I will tell you about a few of my not so favorite things about being pregnant. Get excited. And for whatever reason they all decided to rear their pretty little heads around the same time.

As I mentioned, I'm backtracking on a few posts here so I'm looking back at my calendar to see what was going on during this time. Lots of fun stuff happened. I went to a Coldplay concert for free, went to a San Jose Giants game with friends, got the bed to myself again while Chad was away for a few nights, had friends visiting from SoCal stay with us, watched a couple of friends marry each other, worked on getting things done in baby's room, realized how close we are to the end of this whole pregnancy thing and got even more anxious and excited to meet this little person that's been kicking me for what seems like years now, almost barfed while getting my glucose screening test, was diagnosed as being mildly anemic, linea nigra showed up on my belly, developed a "pregnancy tumor" in my mouth, and paid $500 and got shots in my mouth to "help" said tumor that didn't actually help at all. Well I did say it was mostly fun stuff right? :)


Let's start with the not so good stuff and circle back to the more enjoyable things. I had my glucose test during that week which is something you get between your 26th-28th weeks. For this you just fast 12 hours before, drink a really sweet drink, and get blood drawn to test your glucose levels. This can tell you if you have (or are at risk for) gestational diabetes. Every woman I've spoke to about this told me it was a 1 hour test.....for whatever reason, my doctor's protocol just changed to a 2 hour test. There really wasn't much to it and I didn't mind the drink so much when it was going down. I've heard some women can't stand the taste of it. It tasted like a really sugary and flat orange soda to me. They did the initial draw before I drank it, I sat in the waiting room, drew more blood after an hour, and again an hour after that. Because I also did the SMA blood test at that time, when I left there I kind of looked like a drug addict that had shot up a lot recently. Between 30 minutes to an hour after the test I was not feelin so hot. My hands had the shakes, I had a pounding headache (the one that is literally pounding and you can feel your heart pulsing through your head), and felt really nauseous. The only thing really stopping me from barfing and getting it over with was the knowledge that if I did, I'd just have to come back another day and do it over again. So I took deep breaths and tried to keep my eyes closed. Not sure what it was but after the first hour I felt fine again. Pregnant or not, I don't really drink soda, caffeine, or much of anything besides water (unless I'm in Missouri where I can be found with an IV of my momma's sweet tea pumping into my veins). I'm thinking the jolt of all that sweet sugary stuff on an empty stomach is what did it for me. In fact now that I think about it, if I drink a whole can of soda I feel a little out of sorts....gives me a headache and I feel like I can't focus. So maybe that was it? For anyone doing it in the future, I definitely suggest making your appointment as early as you can in the morning (which I did) that way you can fast before going to bed at night and won't have to go throughout the day without eating. That made it much easier for me. Oh, and as an update...my glucose levels came back normal so I'm good there. :)


Another thing they apparently tested for at the same time was anemia. My doctor told me at my next appointment that I was "mildly anemic" and needed to go on an iron supplement. Apparently this isn't a really big deal and they test this during your first trimester (which came back as normal levels) and again at the end of your second trimester (because it can change in between that time like mine did). It makes sense because there is more blood pumping the further along you get in the pregnancy. My first question was "does that mean the baby hasn't been getting what he/she needs in there?" And because I'm just mildly anemic the answer is no.....it basically means that baby is getting all of the supplements and nourishment he/she needs, it's just momma that suffers from the lack. Man, the feti (I love to call baby "the Feti") isn't even out in this world and already demands so much! :) So I've been taking iron pills daily since then and actually noticed a difference in my energy levels right away. I had been really dragging and tired during the couple weeks leading up to that and have felt much better since. Probably a good indication that it's helping. :) Several people told me that an iron supplement can make you constipated (something that's always freaked me out) but thank goodness I haven't had any situations in that department! I know, I'm glad you know that now too. :)


What the heck is linea nigra you ask? Well it's a "line" a few shades darker than your skin that can sometimes show up on your pregnant belly. For the women that get it, sometimes it just goes from their belly button down to the end of their uterus and a few lucky others get it below and above the belly button. I'm one of the lucky ones I suppose. :) Oddly enough, for me there's also a cute little circle that goes around my belly button too. Apparently this "line" doesn't have to be completely centered either because mine is just to the right side of my belly button. I think it bothers me more not because I have it, but because the damn thing isn't centered. It's so strange. Besides being a little annoying and not in the least bit attractive if you ask me....there aren't real side effects from having it and it's said to go away following the birth. There isn't a real reason you get it either, some women just do and some women just don't. I think I started noticing mine sometime around 17 weeks when I completely freaked out because I thought it was a huge stretch mark. I was just beginning to show signs of a belly at that time so the theory of it showing up because your skin is stretching is definitely not accurate. I did a little research, found that it actually had a name (linea nigra, although I'm still not sure how you pronounce that), and was happy to hear that it almost always goes away in the 1-12 months following giving birth. At that time it was just from my belly button down and Google searches told me an old wives tale says that's a sign of a baby girl. Fast forward a few weeks later (probably sometime around week 25 or something) I noticed a faint sign of my little line going from my belly button up as well. According to the old wives tale, I had at that time just sprouted a boy. 

Granuloma of pregnancy. Doesn't that sound pretty? It's actually just a dressed up name for a scary name, pregnancy tumor. And the scary name is not as bad as it sounds so that must be why someone insisted they give it a prettier name. I've read the pregnancy books and I know about all the crazy things and "side effects" you can get as a pregnant woman. Thank the high heavens I have actually been incredibly lucky with most things. Granuloma of pregnancy was one of those things the pregnancy books say you "could get but very few women do" and it takes up about a paragraph of space in one of the 593 pages of said books. Hooray for me not being in the majority, right? For lack of a better word, I noticed a little "bump" that I could feel on the right side of the roof of my mouth. Not sure what to think, I made a dentist appointment for a regular cleaning and to get things checked out. Here's where it gets a little sketchy because as Chad thinks, I "got upsold by the dentist." During my checkup I was told I had healthy teeth (no cavities, woohoo!) and gums and everything looked good..........BESIDES my little "situation" as I like to call it. The dentist freaked me out a little bit by saying it could be nothing at all, just a benign non-cancerous "tumor" and a side effect of pregnancy but there's also a small chance of it being cancerous and something that will need to be removed. If that wasn't enough she also said it could be some sort of infection that could spread to the rest of my mouth and make my entire mouth swollen and painful. She suggested they do a deep cleaning as soon as possible and if it was a sort of infection that should clear it up. Um, yes...please do that asap I said. Then I find out this lovely procedure will involve 2 appointments (one for each side of my mouth), I'll need local aesthetic (aka about 8 shots on each side), and will cost $250 each side WITH my insurance. I don't care I say...as long as it takes care of this annoying situation in my mouth I say...

The first appointment was actually a cake walk. I didn't mind the shots in the least bit and was kind of giggling the whole time. What, you don't giggle when you're getting shot in the mouth with a needle? Oh, well I was giggling because I don't spend much time lying flat on my back (another thing the pregnancy books will tell you because it's not ideal for pumping plenty of blood to the baby) but I was lying fairly flat during the procedure. Baby was going nuts. NUTS. I think the little thing was so excited to have the kind of space I was giving him that he was just taking full advantage of the new position. I felt flips, rolls, turns, and everything in between. To feel a real human do a flip inside of you and know what it is...is something pretty unexplainable. Anyway, after I was finished I asked if it was necessary to come back for the other side since she got the side with the "situation" on this visit. I was told they recommend getting both sides to "help protect the whole mouth." Alrighty then...so I come back in 3 weeks with another $250 to give them and with the same small bump in my mouth. Not only did the first procedure not get rid of it, but in the middle of this appointment the dentist informs me that it looks like everything is fine and it's nothing to worry about and will disappear after giving birth. It'll just be something I have to deal with until then. (Later, a nurse told me "It's just one of those fun things you can get with pregnancy. I got varicose veins and acne...you got this.") I'm sorry....why couldn't you have told me that $500 and 16 shots ago? This appointment was not as much fun as the first. My belly was decidedly bigger this go around and no longer felt comfortable lying on my back. So they gave me a small pillow to prop under my belly and I positioned my lower half awkwardly to the side while my top half tried to remain straight. For whatever reason, this time the shots hurt going in and didn't really seem to numb everything like the first time. I was feeling a lot and finally spoke up and she gave me a few more shots to numb it up again. Well I didn't really feel like any of them kicked in until about 5 minutes before I was finished (it's about 45 minutes long) and then......I couldn't feel my face. The whole left side of my face felt completely paralyzed for like 5 hours after. Why couldn't that have happened during the hour I was sitting in the dentist chair? It did this weird thing to my nose where I felt like it was huge and swollen and didn't have holes in it to breathe through. I mostly panted like a dog the rest of the day. Which isn't all that different from being pregnant and short of breath anyway, so it was fine.

For the actual fun stuff that happened.....here are a few picture recaps....

I seriously love Coldplay. Their music makes me so happy. They were really great live, the passion and energy they put into their music is so awesome to see. I thought for sure baby would be going crazy in my belly during all the loud music at her first concert...but shockingly enough she didn't really move a muscle the entire time. Does this mean she'll sleep through anything? Goodness I hope so. Chad and I are loud people. And she'll be an infant during football season this year. And if you've ever watched a game with Chad and his brother Ryan....you'll know why it's important that she sleep through the loudest noises you've ever heard.

Here's me and baby Kendall during the San Jose Giants game (minor league baseball). She wasn't a huge fan of the bright sun in her face...but look how sweet she is!

Maria and I walking into the game with big sis McKenna. :)

I mean really....McK is so "tute!"

You may be asking yourself...."What in the hell is going on here?" Well this is after the game at Mark and Maria's house when I was snuggling with sleeping Kendall (is there anything better than a sleeping baby on your chest??) and Baby J was going crazy in my belly. I'm actually surprised it wasn't waking Kendall up. Pretty funny to think about Kendall's future little buddy saying hi to her before he/she was even out in this world!  Anyway, Maria had yet to feel Baby J kick so she had to sneak her hand in an inconvenient place to feel. As you can tell, I don't think Kendall minded. And don't worry, baby has said hello to "Auntie Madia" lots of times since this picture! :)

I had Brittany take this picture of Kendall because I remembered a similar picture I took about 2.5 years ago with her big sister....

2.5 years earlier with (now big sis) McKenna. Laukat's make cute babies. Fact.

Umm Brit and Madia.....apparently we didn't take any pictures of the three of us.

Chad and BF Justin at Kurt and Kristin's wedding

Kristin the beautiful bride coming down the aisle

LOVED their yellow and black colors and all the pretty tulips everywhere

Kurt and Kristin Haygood :)

Me and my baby daddy

Super cute centerpieces. And they had custom golf balls and tees with their monogram as wedding favors.

Too bad half of Randi's face is blocked in this picture cuz it's real cute!

There may have been a little drinking during the reception... 

Perhaps you remember my obsession with getting Dave to kiss me on the mouth? I've blogged about it before, no big deal. Anyway, still no luck on that front but he'd had enough drinks for someone to convince him to kiss the "baby". 

Well sort of. He kind of just licked my belly. But it's basically the same thing. You can see I was excited.

I kinda love this man.

Chad and Dave...my Asian lover.

Here we are at the photo booth. In case you can't read the sign I'm holding, it says "I am the only sober one." 100% fact. 

There's so much to love about this picture but perhaps my favorite aspects are...Randi's bonnet, Matt taking a short nap, and the MJ glove "holding" the baby.

The boys with the groom. These boys have known each other a LONG time.

25 weeks - "Donald Trump is a pervert" and other 100% true facts.

25 weeks!

Dern...I'm 2 weeks behind!

I've recently noticed a trend in my weekly pictures........I never have the same hair! I was looking through a lot of them and seeing how much my belly (ie sweet baby) has been growing. I definitely feel like we have done some serious growing over the past 4 weeks! I don't post them, but every week we also take a "topless" pic too (not completely topless, I have a sports bra on you sicko!) You can see my belly changing even more in those. Maybe towards the end of the pregnancy I'll make a little video for those.....

Week 25 has come and gone two weeks ago now so let me think back to that week...
Chad was out of town for the weekend at a friend's bachelor party so I had the house to myself. I usually don't sleep well when he's gone and wasn't really looking forward to the empty bed........but holy crapsack. Turns out my pregnant self doesn't mind the bed to myself at all! I'm usually a pretty heavy sleeper but since my belly has started growing and putting pressure on places I'm not used to, I find myself waking up a lot. And when Chad even thinks about moving during the night to roll over or whatever, I wake up. After the first night alone, I found myself waking up the next morning really excited about going to bed later that night. It was such good sleep all weekend! haha. Sorry honey, I still love sleeping with you and was glad to have you back several nights later.....just be happy for me that I slept so well while you were gone. :)

Also the last weekend in April was two of my favorite guy's birthdays. Chad turned 28 and my dad turned (an undisclosed number.) :) Since I didn't get to hang out with either one on their birthday, I celebrated by going to a spa and getting a facial. I had a really good day. I took the train about 20 minutes north to the salon, got my facial, and was strolling along the downtown area when realized I missed the train home that I meant to take. And what do I find by the train station when I need to kill an hour during lunch time? An adorable Italian restaurant with outdoor seating and it was a beautiful day outside. Yes please. I would have loved a glass of white wine with my yummy shrimp pasta while sitting outside people watching basking in the sun.....but hey, "beggars can't be choosers" and "people who are making humans who have a great alone time day can't be complaining when they got a facial and their swollen sausage feet just got a rubdown." I feel like that's a saying, right? I should have known how awesome that day was going to be when I made a "friend" on the train there who plopped down in the seat next to me and I had the most interesting conversation I've had in a while. Well I use the word 'conversation' loosely because it was mostly him asking me the most random questions and telling me the most random things. Here are some of the things my friend had to say:

(one of the first things he said to me)
Friend: Do you know who Donald Trump is? You know, the guy on The Apprentice show and owns the hotels and stuff?
Me: Yeah.
Friend: Did you know he also owns the Miss Universe Pageant?
Me: Yes, I knew that.
Friend: He's such a pervert.
Me: (laughing)
Friend: He really is. I tell him that all the time. I should ask him for some money. He's my cousin.
(I should also mention here that this is a Hispanic man in his 50s, smells like he's been drinking since last Tuesday, sounded like he was near a heart attack, and carrying a pint of Vodka in his back pocket. Did I mention I'm on a 10am train?)

Friend: Do you think there's a law saying you have to wear a flower in your hair when you go to San Francisco?
Me: Ummmmmm.....no, I don't think so.
Friend: Well there should be.

Friend: You ever watch Three's Company?
Me: Yeah I used to watch that show all the time.
Friend: Jack is such an asshole.
Me: Alright.
Friend: What about Jeopardy? You watch that?
Me: Not really.
Friend: Well if you did you'd know what a jerk Alex is too.

Friend: (after seeing my protruding belly) Oh, you're pregnant?
Me: Yes.
Friend: You're never gonna believe this. (long pause and looks around to make sure no one else hears) I am too. So we have that in common.
Me: Oh alright. That's cool.

15 seconds later.....
Friend: Remember when I told you I was pregnant a long time ago?
Me: Yes.....
Friend: I was lying. I don't know why I told you that.

He left to go make new friends before I got off. I made eye contact with the girl across the aisle from me and we just started cracking up. She tells me "sorry, I know he didn't smell good and that probably wasn't very fun for you but that was awesome." Yes, yes it was.

I love riding the train.

24 weeks - Choices

24 weeks

What. A. Week.
Man am I glad it's Friday. The weather has been beautiful here all week and I've been stuck inside! I need some serious fresh air and sunshine!! On top of working my normal 40 hour week at my job, I came home every night to head straight to my computer to work on editing a video I'm making for a theatre company. Which is both good and bad really.....Good because I really love making videos and editing them makes me happy, in fact I wish it was my full time job. (Maybe some day?) But bad because the sound gave me a lot of trouble, I was up til midnight every night trying to get it finished, and after I did (complete with a DVD menu, preview, and 2 hour full length performance) I realized it's 5.2GB and standard DVDs hold 4.7GB. Yeah, not my happy face! I went out and bought a new pack of special DVDs that hold more space....only to find that the writer on my laptop isn't compatible with it. After reading a post like Hot Mess Lane, you'd think I'd freak out about it right? Surprisingly enough, I didn't and haven't. I was actually kind of amused about the situation in the end and completely kept my cool. (What do you mean you're shocked??) :) But really, what can you do? Some things are out of your control and you work really hard, do your best, and it's still not right. I swear sometimes I think this kid knows when I'm feeling down or am stressed about something....because I always seem to get a kick/punch/right hook/jab/roll just when I need it. Like a little reminder saying, "Hey, cut it out! Remember me? I'm healthy and growing really strong in here, how lucky are you?? So just relax and smile right now. And give me some popcorn."  And the little nugget is right. (Don't tell her I said that in the future, because I'll have to be right about everything else in his life later on. See how I did that double switch there? I do this all the time. It confuses people.) Honestly I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am that being on a deadline to make this video was the biggest stress in my world this week. There are people with no job, health issues out of their control, addictions, divorces, no family support, not sure how they're going to feed their kids tomorrow, infertility.....the list could go on and on. But we all have one thing in common. Every month, week, day, minute, and second we all get a choice. We get to choose our mood, reactions, and responses to everything. Isn't that cool? It doesn't matter what you're going through and how out of your control your situation is....YOU get to decide that. And your choices are not always going to be good or even the right ones, we're all human after all. But YOU, get to to make that choice. No one gets to take that away from you or decide for you. And to me the more you are aware of that choice we all have, the better choices you're going to make for yourself and everyone around you. Besides my sweet little baby helping me with that perspective, I think the beautiful Miss Avery helps too.

Anywhooo just a few thoughts on this lovely Friday afternoon, sorry it got real there for a minute..... :)

I'm still working on a solution for the video and hopefully I've figured something out, we'll see. Tonight I'll be back at the theatre to record another play, this time a children's production. I went to the rehearsal last night, I have to say it's pretty cute. I'm excited to have another project to work on and excited to meet more people who might be interested in the video services I have to offer!

Have a good weekend!! Bring on the outdoors! Oh, and I guess a little bit of the indoors too since we're registering at Target this weekend..... :)
xoxo

22 weeks - Hot Mess Lane

Make some noise for 22 weeks! :) 1st week of our 6th month!

Shit's about to get real here folks. As I've mentioned about a billion times already on this blog.....I love being pregnant. It's been a really awesome and fun transition for me so far. I just LOVE that I'm carrying our baby and I get to feel the little thing kick and squirm and move all day. Most days and moments are just rainbows and unicorns in my life right now.

Last Thursday was not one of those nights.

I'm only blogging about this because I can laugh about it now and well, I'm trying to give all you people a "real" sense of my pregnancy and what not so here goes. I've had a few let's call them "emotional outbursts" throughout the last 4 months but I'd like to elaborate on the two most memorable.

Let's first back up to sometime in early February. I was having a particularly annoying day at work, wasn't feeling well after lunch, and trying to hustle home after work to meet Chad and head down to Santa Cruz for book club and dinner. I'm not sure what exactly set this into motion (maybe it was a song on the radio in my car? a thought that popped into my head? general stress and hormones? who knows.) but by the time I pulled into the driveway I was just a plain hot mess. Uncontrollably sobbing. Ugly crying. Whimpering. Poor Chad didn't know what hit him when he greeted me at the door. I didn't even know what hit me. All I managed to say was "It was a really bad drive home." The next 20 minutes or so consisted of me crying out my mascara all over his white shirt while he held me in the kitchen and I mumbled a bunch of things that didn't make much sense. I can tell you that I was upset because: I felt guilty because I was having a healthy pregnancy and felt like I wasn't thankful enough for it; at the same time felt overwhelming gratitude for the life I have and the little tiny baby growing in me; was crazy homesick from my family and was sad I'm not physically around them to share the experience; wanted my mommy and was feeling very appreciative of how my parents raised me; in a fun added twist I was freaking out about how I don't know what I'm doing and am going to be a shitty mom and won't do the right things that my parents did for me; and then "omg, what if I accidentally drop the baby?! I probably will. Oh my goodness Chad, one of us is seriously going to drop the baby. Then when the kid is older someone will say 'were you dropped as a baby or something?' and we'll KNOW, Chad!!! Yes, we did drop the baby!! Oh no, will we tell them we dropped them or just keep it from them their whole life?! This is really bad Chad, it's really bad." Chad tried to keep his laughter under his breath but the dropping the baby thing really set him over the edge. He was laughing as hard as I was crying. I knew how crazy I was being. It didn't matter though. Hormones make you do/think/feel some weird things. I was even laughing sometimes between sobs and apologizing for being such a wreck for no real reason other than I just needed to get it out. Needless to say, we did not make it to Santa Cruz and I spent the majority of the night silently crying on the couch in the fetal position.

Fast forward to last week. Everything was going so well...I'm not sure what happened. I didn't sleep well the night before, I was up from 2-3am because a certain someone that resides in me decided it was playtime and proceeded to dance, swim, kick, punch, and roll while I tried to sleep. But I mean seriously...could I be mad at that? I was feeling my baby move inside of me, and I'm fairly certain that will not get old. I woke up with a sore back and decided I should stay in bed a little longer and go into work late. Because I'm trying to save up as much sick and vacation time as possible for my maternity leave, I've rarely taken any time throughout my pregnancy so far so this was a nice treat. :) I took a long shower, ate a little breakfast and got to work around 11am. Thursdays are my favorite day of the work week because I go to my prenatal yoga class straight from work. I seriously love love that class. I wish I could go to it every day. Okay, maybe every day would be too much but like 3 times a week would probably be good. So I go there, have a great class and leave feeling refreshed and ready. (For childbirth, for being a good mother and wife, for a fire-breathing dragon I may encounter on my drive home....it doesn't matter, Marti gets you in a zone to believe you can do anything. Goodness she's great.) I get home, have a great Skype date with Tracy while I cook in the kitchen and Chad hangs out with us. I think that's the part I went wrong. It was 8pm, I was starting dinner and it was going to take me about an hour start to finish. And I ate a plum as a snack around 5:30pm. But of course I was set on making some delicious tomato basil soup and garlic bread. (And seriously, it really did turn out awesome. I think I got the recipe on Pinterest but I can't find it right now. I'll post it later if I find it again.) Everything was going so well....until it came to using my immersion blender. I couldn't figure out I wasn't patient enough to get the piece on the end of it and barked the order at Chad to get it on for me. Then came using it, when I realized the pot I was making the soup in was not deep enough to contain all the splashing the immersion blender was about to do. Insert complete freak out. "Why did I choose this (expletive) pot?? That was so (expletive) stupid!! It's going to splash everywhere!! I knew from the beginning I shouldn't have used this pot...but guess what CHAD?? I STILL used it!!" So what's the next logical step? Realize it's not a big deal and either transfer the soup into a bigger pot or deal with the splashes and clean up the stove top after I finished, right? Wrong. The next logical step was to slam the blender down, slide the chair that was in my path across half the kitchen and into the table, storm off to our bedroom like a teenager and yell at Chad "I CAN NOT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW!!" Once in the room it was probably a chance to reflect on my freak out and calmly go back to the kitchen, right? Wrong again. The stupid light was flickering in our bedroom (we think there is a short in the socket) so upon plopping myself on the bed and realizing it, the best thing was to chuck a pillow at the light switch in hopes of hurting the wall's feelings. I'm sure it worked. But it definitely didn't quit flickering. I needed a few minutes of alone time and I came out of my whiny toddler temper tantrum crazed hormone situation, stuck my tail between my legs and came back into the kitchen to Chad finishing the soup and cleaning up my the blender's mess. I managed to do the garlic bread myself and we ate mostly in silence. I don't think I even realized how good the soup really turned out until the next day when I ate leftovers for lunch. He could have laughed at me but I think he was probably too scared. It's best for everyone that he didn't. Since then, I've apologized and thanked him a bunch for keeping me sane and helping me to resemble a normal human being with normal functions. He claims that's why we married each other. :)

Thank you for taking this journey with me down Hot Mess Lane (a side street near Friendship Lane.) Here's to not making a wrong turn on that street for another month or two, because that's about all I (and anyone else) can handle.

xo,
Baby Momma